You all fill my words, you fill the empty spaces in between.
You fill my tears, but you don't own any of my years.
My tears fill my heart, even my sorrow can't breathe.



I wrote a poem in my head last night, but I forget how it went, I loved it.

I can feel the words forming on the tip of my tongue, I can feel the way you feel when your worries have been sung.
I feel my air purify my soul, I feel His love and I know he paid my toll.
I put my life together and took it apart to see it better.
But it's all a mess and everything is getting jumbled.
The thoughts in my head and the thoughts that roll off my toungue,
They're tainted, my sanity has faded.

Jake says the world is ending.
I say turn the news off and be happy.
But I feel so damn sad.
Sad to the core,
and happy on the outside.
Crush this anger,
find the blame.
Nothing will ever be the same..
Everything's a poem..
But I can't find the rhythm.
Everything is art,
I wish I was gifted from the start.

Blehhh

I am insane.
Hah. I feel emotionless sometimes. But I think I just cut my emotions off sometimes.
Because, in reality, I'm pretty emotional. Good emotional, too.
But, when I being super emotional, it sometimes sucks bad.
And when I'm being emotionless, it doesn't feel good either.

I'm just tired of her yelling.
I'm tired of people doubting me, everyone doubts me.

I kinda tired of writing these stupid blogs cause I sound like other stupid people.
But, atleast this is the only place I talk about it usually.

It's not an attention scheme.

Salt my wounds

I'd give you direct quotes, but, I'm just beyond that right now.
I want to die.
Bredin just basically called me a piece of shit for not talking to him.. When I've tried.
And, man, you just need to be in my head.

I want to die.

Okay.
Seriously, what the hell?
Idk. Everyone, I'm pretty sure knows what it feels like to be replaced, or to not be good enough.
I never fucking feel good enough.
Okay?
Never. But I love you all always. And it's not good enough. I'm not good enough. EVER.

I moved away from everyone being so scared I wouldn't be good enough for them to remember me. But they did.

False hope. You understand?


They're all slowly talking to me less.


I feel like...idk.
They're getting over me and I don't like it : ( I still need them.


Emily is my best friend.. And I was her's.
But now she has Caitlyn.
And idk, you probably dont get it. But it hurts worse than breaking up with any stupid boy.
Idk.. I trusted her, more than I've ever trusted anyone.. And like, idk. I finally had someone I could always depend on... And idk. That really doesn't happen to me a lot. I finally had someone I could compeltely trust, and that NEVER happens to me.


Idk..

Is it possible to be yourself too much?
Something is wrong with me, uhgg. The "unstableness" I wrote about earlier...
I realized I'm struggling to realize who I am.
I know who I was in cranberry.. And here,... Idk.
Is it possible to forget how to be you?
I feel like I act like myself.. But everything is out of control.
I don't think that is normal.
I am too open about my thoughts.
I'm just not me, I don't feel right..
I'm anxious all the time.. I can't sleep ever.
I need help and I can't figure out how to help me.



You can tell just from that little bit of thought that I'm not doing ok.



I know I sound cliche as hell, but please give me more credit than that..

I realized that I think I'm different because I have a personality. Everyone has a personality. I think I'm so confusing because, I have my own personality. I have my own little quirks. Everyone does though, for the most part. I'm not weird. I'm normal. Normal people are just as weird as I am.. Normal people all have their own little quirks.. I'm just Rachel, that makes me different. And you are you, so you are different, too.
"You're unique, just like everyone else."

Idk if that made sense to you, but it made sense to me.

It's been on my mind a lot. Needlesstosay, I don't think I'm "weird" anymore.. And I don't feel the need to tell everyone about my quirks... Because, they are secrets. And the people that love me will figure them out.. They are what makes every single person interesting. Nott just me.